Wrong Lyrics ; Oxymorons ; Palindromes ; Acronyms ; Bad Analogies ; Random ; Henny Youngman Jokes 7 Wife Jokes My wife is an earth sign. A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. "What a magnificent show this is going to be when it starts!" I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays. Henny Youngman "Wife" on The Ed Sullivan Show on June 25, 1967. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. Copy link. Be careful, be curteous and have fun. He enjoyed it and thus began his long career as a stand-up comic. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. Henny Youngman Monologue. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me. Why do Jewish men die before their wives? Tribute to Henny Youngman. "So you're single!" King of One-Liners / Youngman reigns at Kosher Comedy. It is unlikely that you will find the perfect line to use. Anything I wanted to. Start the wiki. "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. She said, "We can't do that!" Henny Youngman, Actor: Goodfellas. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. 208. It interferes with their suffering. Henry Youngman Stand Up Jokes Airport Jokes Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." You're signed out. James Sullivan, Chronicle Staff Critic. Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? He told pretty much the same jokes for 70 years, and they always got laughs! Marriage Jokes and One-liners Researched by Alan Turnham You know what I did before I married? They’re worth it. Shopping. Youngman’s marriage to Sadie Cohen lasted over 60 years – extraordinary in show business terms. One night, the club’s regular comedian didn’t show up and the owner asked Youngman to fill in. Never really making it in films, his nightclub career soared. The “King of the One Liners,” Henny Youngman, was born today in 1906. In his times when his contenders used elaborate anecdotes to amuse the audience, Youngman cracked simple one-line jokes. Do you think you need to be a certain age to appreciate them? I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. Back to image Follow The Telegraph. Before his wife of 59 years, Sadie, died 10 years ago, she insisted that Henny Youngman never stop telling the wife jokes. A new version of Last.fm is available, to keep everything running smoothly, please reload the site. Popular. The king of the one-liners turned 91 this year. 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He actually was a musician and played the violin. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. Born in London, England, and moving to the United States when he was a baby, Youngman started his professional career as a printer in a small store. (Henny Youngman) "They hired a 3-piece band that was so lousy, every time the waiter dropped a tray, we all got up and danced!" One Liners ; Insults ; Words . A Jewish woman had two chickens. He told me to stop going to those places. - Jack Benny Husbands are like fires, they go out when unattended. (Henny Youngman) [For those who do not know him, Henny (not Henry) Youngman was an American stand up comedian.] Henny Youngman, the King of the One-Liners, who implored his audiences for more than six decades to ''take my wife -- please,'' died yesterday at … He once led a small jazz band and during their performances he often told jokes. Watch later. If the comic is Henny Youngman, the answer is--a lifetime. Did you ever see or hear Henny? Youngman’s marriage to Sadie Cohen lasted over 60 years – extraordinary in show business terms. 25 quotes from Henny Youngman: 'Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? please." 1 [Explicit] and see the artwork, lyrics and similar artists. 1906-1998. Heny did not start out as a … Dangerfield One-Liners. Tap to unmute. Henry “Henny” Youngman was born in Liverpool, England in 1906 and died in New York when he was 91 years old. Born 16 March 1906 London, England: Died: 24 February 1998 (aged 91) Manhattan, New York, U.S. We and our partners use cookies to personalize your experience, to show you ads based on your interests, and for measurement and analytics purposes. He usually eliminated lengthy build-ups in his performances and replaced … Javascript is required to view shouts on this page. Some user-contributed text on this page is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License; additional terms may apply. I'm a water sign. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" Start the wiki, Do you know the lyrics for this track? Too often they..." Share funny quotes by Henny Youngman and quotations about wife … When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. In a time when many comedians told elaborate anecdotes, Youngman’s comedy routine consisted of telling simple one-liner jokes, occasionally with interludes of violin playing. - Nora Ephron My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. His trademark, rapid-fire one-liners… I told her, "You did it last week!" Read about One-Liners - Wife (Jfl 1987) from Henny Youngman's Just for Laughs - The Archives, Vol. Together we make mud. I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. Crossword Clue The crossword clue Penultimate word in a Henny Youngman one-liner with 4 letters was last seen on the January 01, 2005.We think the likely answer to this clue is WIFE.Below are all possible answers to this clue ordered by its rank. He would deliver the jokes in a rapid-fire style, telling dozens in just 10 minutes. The columnist, Walter Winchell, dubbed Youngman ‘The King of the One-Liners.’ When you look through our selection of Henny Youngman one-liners, you’ll understand why. Dec. 26, 1997 Updated: Jan. 28, 2012 3:53 p.m. Facebook Twitter Email "I take my wife … How long can a comic repeat the same wife-ethnic-sex jokes and secure a strong laugh? "I have a girlfriend! Share funny quotes by Henny Youngman and quotations about wife and comedy. I told her, "You did it last week!" Go directly to shout page, Do you know any background info about this artist? Discover Henny Youngman famous and rare quotes. He also occasionally played violin while performing in front of the audience. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. Youngman, despite all the jokes about his wife, had a happy marriage that only ended when Sadie died in 1987. What can I do?" Medium: Stand-up comedy: Nationality: … The doctor says "Limp!" “Take my wife… please.” Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) coined this much-imitated one-liner in 1937. I told the doctor I … – Henny Youngman profile quotes. Follow on … She supported him for years during the lean times, and he was always quick to let others know of his gratitude and devotion to her. "Doctor, my leg hurts. She said, "We can't do that!" Funny Succeed Much. American Comedian and Violinist "King of the One-Liners" I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. Thereafter his violin was his stage prop, but he held it more often than he played it. I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!" One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. What’s the use of happiness? 1 [Explicit], Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License. Here are some of my favorite Henny Youngman lines: Take my wife… Please! Info. My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. Time Music Marriage. He was known as the King of the One Liners, a title bestowed upon him by columnist Walter Winchell. ', and 'A drunk was in front of a judge. Add lyrics on Musixmatch. × Henny Youngman Play on Spotify. Henny Youngman, the veteran comic who made a cottage industry of "Take my wife--please!" When I go to bed, I feel hungry. Heny did not start out as a comedian. I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. The columnist, Walter Winchell, dubbed Youngman ‘The King of the One-Liners.’. Do you know a YouTube video for this track? Henny Youngman was a famous American violinist and comedian. Why don’t Jews drink? One Liners ; Insults ; Words . A career of seven decades of snappy, irreverent one-liners put Henry "Henny" Youngman at the top of most comedians' list of favorite showmen. and thousands of other rat-tat-tat one-liners, has died in … ', 'I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? He is renowned for being a master of ‘one-liners’. He told me to quit going to those places. These two were the masters of the one-liner. Posted by Addam Corre on 12 Aug, 2014June 24, 2019. Many of Henny Youngman's one-liners, including some groaners It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. By using our website and our services, you agree to our use of cookies as described in our Cookie Policy. If playback doesn't begin shortly, try restarting your device. They want to. Henry “Henny” Youngman was a famous stand-up comedian who Walter Winchell, a famous New York columnist, named as the “king of the one-liners.”This title was later inherited by Rodney Dangerfield but I call Rodney the “prince of the one-liners” because Henny Youngman was first. My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. The following one-liners are from the Rodney Dangerfield and Henny Youngman. In a time when many comedians told elaborate anecdotes, Youngman's routine consisted of telling simple one-liner jokes, occasionally with interludes … A one-liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. Just for Laughs - The Archives, Vol. It can’t buy you money. includes 99 jokes that are as funny today as they were 70 years ago! Youngman's big break came when he was booked on the popular Kate Smith radio show in 1937. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. Wrong Lyrics ; Oxymorons ; Palindromes ; Acronyms ; Bad Analogies ; Random ; Henny Youngman Jokes 1 Airline Jokes Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." 382 monthly listeners. 1. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried. These gags depicted simple, cartoon-like situations, eliminating lengthy build-ups and going straight to the punch line. A typical stage performance by Youngman … Henry "Henny" Youngman (16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please". If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving. You can easily improve your search by specifying the number of letters in the answer. His wife was frequently the butt of his jokes, as were Jews. Share your thoughts by making use of the comments feed below. I'm still confused. A good one-liner is said to be pithy – concise and meaningful. Henny Youngman. "I'm offended by political jokes. Add a video, Do you know any background info about this track? Henry "Henny" Youngman (original Yiddish surname Yungman;[1] 16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please". Henny Youngman. Scrobbling is when Last.fm tracks the music you listen to and automatically adds it to your music profile. I recommend customizing the joke to fit your needs. To see the Old Italian Navy! Hilarious One Liners: Marriage, Group 4 You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. Share. 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